A Winding Road. A Few Detours. Here We Are.

My life has been a fairly eclectic collection of interests, adventures, unexpected turns, and things that probably made sense to me at the time.

Some still do. Others require context that even I may no longer possess.

There have been creative pursuits, changing beliefs, fresh starts, and plenty of moments when I thought I knew where I was going. There have also been random thoughts and flashes from my past that occasionally resurface, demanding further investigation. They might mean everything. They might mean absolutely nothing. Apparently, we’re going to find out.

Somewhere along this winding road, I started paying closer attention to the person doing the traveling.

For much of the first part of my life, I was working with ideas about who I should be. What I should believe. What made someone good, successful, acceptable, or worthy of belonging. Some of those ideas were so familiar that I didn’t recognize them as things I could question.

I called them truths. It took me a while to ask whether I actually believed them.

The last ten years have involved a lot of that asking. A lot of learning, unlearning, and realizing how much energy it takes to live according to expectations that don’t fit. I’ve been figuring out what matters to me, what I enjoy, and what I think when I give myself enough room to hear the answer.

Now I’m forty, and I feel ready to practice what I’ve spent the last decade learning.

Which sounds very composed when I write it like that.

In reality, it involves questioning myself, catching old habits, trying things, and occasionally needing to have the same realization more than once. There are beliefs I’m still untangling. Old versions of myself I’m learning to forgive. Things I’m healing from, and parts of myself I’m finally willing to express.

I don’t know everything this next stretch will hold. But I’m ready to fucking embrace it. I want to see what happens when I give myself more freedom to be who I actually am.

This blog is part of that.

I’ve always felt a pull to share what I experience. Sometimes because something is funny and I want someone else to laugh with me. Sometimes because an ordinary moment has given me an unreasonable amount to think about. And sometimes because I know how much it can mean to recognize yourself in someone else’s story.

There’s comfort in discovering that another person has had the thought you weren’t sure you could say out loud.

Connection matters to me, even though people also scare me sometimes. There are days when keeping to myself sounds like an excellent arrangement. No misunderstandings. No awkward interactions to replay later. Very little need to explain my facial expressions.

But some of the most meaningful experiences of my life have come from letting people in. Being understood. Laughing together. Having a conversation that stays with me long after it ends.

Those experiences are worth making room for.

I’m also learning that being more open about who I am helps me recognize the people I feel at home with. It doesn’t guarantee that I’ll never get hurt, but it gives connection a better place to begin. I want people to know the person who’s actually here.

So you’ll find some of her here.

The random interests. The stories. The curious adventures. The things I’m learning and the things I’m still turning over. Occasionally, a memory I haven’t thought about in years will probably wander in and make itself comfortable.

Some pieces might give you something to think about. Some might make you laugh. Some might simply remind you that there are other people out here having a wonderfully peculiar time being human.

I’m Ashley. Welcome to A Perfectly Reasonable Rabbit Hole.

I can’t promise where every story will lead, but I’m looking forward to finding out.