I Came for the Mystery. Apparently, I’m Staying for the Banter.

I recently discovered that I’m a person who talks back to podcasts. Not because I’m arguing with them… although I do have opinions. But because somewhere along the way, I apparently decided I was part of the conversation.

I especially like the ones with two hosts who banter back and forth. They’ll be telling a story, then one of them shares a personal experience or says something a little unhinged, and there I am, laughing and responding like they can hear me. I’ve caught myself saying, “I love these people,” more times than I can count.

It’s been a welcome discovery, especially considering how I spent the weeks before that.

I started doing delivery work about eleven weeks ago. During the first nine weeks, I was also working through some pretty difficult personal life challenges. I spent a lot of time driving, and I cried a lot during those drives.

Sometimes I listened to music that I hoped would help me shift my attitude. Other times, I couldn’t find a single thing I wanted to hear. No artist, no genre, no song. Everything was annoying, so I’d turn it off and sit with my thoughts.

Some of that silence was good for me. I acknowledged things about myself that I needed to acknowledge. But there were also plenty of drives when thinking turned into being hard on myself, and I ended up feeling worse than when I started.

There were moments when I wanted to throw my hands up and walk away from what I was trying to manage. I kept going, but I still encountered the version of me who was tired enough to want to quit. I’m learning to give myself some credit for continuing to show up.

Then I started listening to podcasts, and I finally found something that could hold my attention for a while.

Turns out, I really do enjoy a good mystery. I get caught up in trying to understand why something happened, or how it was even possible. When a commercial interrupts the story, I feel like a little kid left on a cliffhanger. I’m impatiently waiting for it to be over because I need to know what happened next.

I also appreciate when the hosts take time to talk about the people involved. Their personalities, relationships, and the lives they were living. I find myself celebrating when there’s a breakthrough or a win, and feeling for the victims and the families who are still waiting for answers.

But the moments that make me think, “I love these people,” are usually somewhere in the back-and-forth. Someone shares an experience I relate to or an opinion that gets me talking back. They ask a silly question, and I answer it. They laugh, and I’m laughing along.

Other times, one host is explaining how an investigation unfolded, and I’m getting increasingly frustrated right along with the person hearing the story. They describe evidence being overlooked because of bias, or the story takes a turn into corruption, and the listening host says exactly what I’m yelling.

“What. The. FUCK?”

Now there are two of us who need an explanation, and only one of us is actually on the show.

I think that’s part of what pulls me in. One person is telling the story, and the other gets to ask questions, react, and occasionally sound just as bewildered as I feel. I’m listening to someone try to make sense of it alongside me. So naturally, I’ve decided we’re all in this conversation together.

Then they’ll share a random fun fact, and suddenly I have something completely different to think about. I’m still curious, but there’s a little room to breathe after the heavier parts of the story.

I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed getting interested in something just because I enjoyed it. I’d spent weeks trying to find something to listen to that would help me shift my mood or get myself together. Then I found myself laughing along with a ridiculous conversation and looking forward to finishing an episode.

My days still had the same responsibilities. I still had things to work through. But now there were stretches of time when I was curious, entertained, and laughing. I could acknowledge what those difficult weeks had taught me and also let myself enjoy the drive.

That feels like something worth celebrating.

I do wish they could hear some of my contributions, though. I’ve made several excellent points.